Films, Beauty and Revision

I just watched a beautiful film this evening.

It's called Proof. I watched it on BBC iPlayer (something I quite simply couldn't live without nowadays). Here's the link http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/jpxrt/ pop over there and give it a watch, it's 90 minutes of pure film brilliance.

 

BBC 4 have been showing a lot of films like this for the past few months, however most of them are in French (as a side note, I have grown to love a lot of French cinema, they are far more creative in many ways than most in the UK and the US), if you have some spare time I would recommend you google 'Blame it on Fidel'. It's in French but it's very well subtitled and the story is very moving and easy to follow.

Anyway as usual I'm getting off topic... where was I... oh yes, Proof, It's about a young woman (Gwyneth Paltrow) whose father was an incredibly brilliant Mathematician but has a medical condition that has caused his memory and general brain function to deteriorate and so the woman decides to quite college and care for him instead. This is all revealed to us very slowly throughout the course of the film. She must contend with her quite formidable Sister after their father dies, as well as deal with her emotions for her fathers former Student (Jake Gyllenhaal) who she falls in love with all whilst she is concerned that she will follow in her father's footsteps and lose her mind as well.

I won't go into any more detail of the plot as it will ruin it for you. The film has been shot extremely well, one thing that a lot of films neglect to use is distinct lighting states for certain types of scene. Sure, Star Trek (2009) has a lot of lens flare for battles, and The Dark Knight has... well it's kinda gloomy all the way through... yes they are wonderful wonderful pieces of work (some of my favourite films actually) but they weren't the best shot. For instance, in Proof we have three distinct states, slightly washed out colours and generally darker were used for most of the sad or emotional sections, we had the classic sun through the window with light streaks across things with everything else generally in shadow for the realisation type scenes and finally the Happy or content scenes where they use a lot of mild yellows and real skin tones in the lighting.

Another thing which I've seen in a couple of films in the past few years, when the film jumps around chronologically, you need a point of reference for your audience to know where or when they are, in this case it seemed to be Paltrow's Hair style... which I must say was rather effective.

I'm sure I'm missing something from here, If I can think what it is I might do a better review type thing and post it to the Cerberus Film Blog.

 

Onto the rest of the blog now...

As per usual I'm thoroughly confused... those of you who know me well will probably know why, I won't go into it though, it would only bore you all. Some of you I'm sure will be happy to know that I'm feeling better than I have done for a long while, I've managed to put the Three Bitches and the School Incidents to one side for the moment and so it's all rather good.

I've started using a timetable type thing for my tutoring and work, I only do one subjects 'Homework' a day, even if I have multiple subjects of tutoring that day. It seems to be working quite well for me, I'm certainly getting a lot more done.

I've submitted my application to the SYP (Scottish Youth Parliament) for the elections later this year. I'm also finishing off my application for the SYT (Scottish Youth Theatre) Summer Festival, despite the likely hood that I won't be taking part due to film commitments but still, it's a fall back plan, oh and certain people would kill me if I didn't apply...

Finally I'm going to the premier of my latest film 'He's Not a Vegetarian' at the Kingussie Food on Film Festival on the 4th of February with a few friends and colleagues. Oh and very finally... I appear to have been Head Hunted by a very prestigious and important film organisation in the UK for some reason, I should be finding out more tomorrow... or should that be today :-S

 

I should really be getting to sleep now... I just realised what the time is... 

Goodnight all and thank you for reading another one of my blogs :-)

 

Much Love my friends

 

Oliver V. Smith

Decisions, Revisions and Admissions

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Well... The title says it all really...

 

Over the past two weeks, and the past day in particular, I have realised some very sobering things about myself, and made some very hard decisions.

 

This will either be a rather long or pretty short blog... so make your decision now... read it all or don't read it at all.

 

I love what I do with film, not the entire process but once I get into a project, I find it very hard to stop until it's finished. I get a drive to do it, a burning passion and desire. I can do it even when I'm ill, even when I can do nothing else. That thrill is what I was experiencing all of last week. I was committed to finishing the film which I should have made 6 months ago. I only really realised this now, that when I really focus, I can do it, I become absorbed in my task. 

I've been off school for a straight 6 months now and I won't be going back until after my exams in April... I've finally managed to put aside all of the things that, well, as several people have described it, "would have made lesser people fall apart" and apparently this shows that I'm "Very Resistant" and have a "Strong Character". Personally i've never thought of myself like that. I always thought of myself and being normal... well different, but as different as everyone else is. I still don't see that I'm strong charactered or resistant, because if I were, surely those things wouldn't hurt so much; and believe me they hurt a lot, I've just never liked showing my hurt to other people, ever... But people, respectable people, adults, teenagers, professionals, teachers, acquaintances... they all say the same thing.

The reason I'm not going back to school until after my exams is because in the last two weeks I've managed to completely put aside the hurt, anger and all the other feelings I have for the injustices done to me in the last 8 or 9 months, and for the first time in a year, I feel better, I'm actually able to concentrate on things now, I can work and live life, and I don't know how I would react to going back to school as now it's a trigger for two separate incredibly damaging things in my life. It could ruin my health completely and send me back to 2 years ago... not a good time... I haven't been able to completely block it all off, it's still all there, I just don't notice it or can't feel it most of the time now. Still, there are some small triggers, for instance seeing them talking to someone on Facebook as though they haven't just attempted to destroy my life (this may sound dramatic, but if you have been told what they have done, you'll know that it could really destroy the rest of my life completely), suddenly brings forth all the feelings for a few minutes.. but it goes eventually....

 

With this clarity I can see how terrible I have been with my work, my revision and my general learning for the past few years... It doesn't help that the school have barely helped me at all despite my continuous bouts of absenteeism for years, but even with the tutoring I've been having for the past 2-3 months, I haven't been using it properly. I've been coasting, which would be fine if I was in school. I'm smart and intelligent enough to be able to coast for most of standard grade and then study like hell a few weeks before the exam and still get a decent grade, but with self study and home tuition in general, I simply can't do that. I have to work harder and study harder than most people in school because I'm getting about 7-8 hrs of tutoring a week whilst most people get 5-6hrs a day in school. OK If I had been studying properly and doing work without my tutors like I should be (not just the homework they set) then it probably would be amazing and I'd be able to ace my exams, but I have never been of that mindset. Never. It's just never been the way I work, there's always been someone to pick up the slack or help me along and made sure I don't fail, but now there isn't. 

It has finally dawned on me,

that No-One will help me here.

I've always known this on some level, but never believed it. I have been kidding myself and tricking myself into believing that I'm doing fine, that I don't need to study etc... Through all the many, many arguments that I have had with my Parents over the years (I'm sure I've aged them at least 5 or 10 years in the past 2 with all the stress, worry and anguish I've caused them), I have been fooling myself that I'll change, that I'll do better; not on a conscious level, but still... 

The most annoying thing is that It's taken me this long to realise it. 

 

I wish I could just worry about what most people worry about, well, I do worry about those things aswell but it would be nice to just be concerned with them. For instance, I love two people, both of which it can't work with. I also like two other people but it can't work with them either for various reasons. In the end, after a frank discussing with a close friend, I've decided to not seek any relationships for a long while and just let what happens happen. But this is just a trivial part of my problems.

 

I have decided to work my arse off for my education. On a side note I believe that I will train as an Anaesthesiologist then go back to Film-Making.

 

Today I Vowed to Change. Today I Became a Better Person.

 

Much Love

 

Oliver V. Smith